Friends with an ex?

Ok guys, thanks for your brutal honesty in reply to my “To Email or Not to Email” post! haha I think you were all right though, I’m not over him. This weekend was slightly emotional (possibly because I was slightly drunk) and I actually for the first time in a really long time really missed everything about him. Then again, in my drunken haze I was possibly just confusing it with missing being in a solid, intimate relationship with inside jokes, sweet emails, and smiling at the thought of him, whoever ‘he’ may be.

Anyway. One of you, (Andrea, actually) mentioned that she read an article about how exes can’t ever just be friends, because of the fact that there once was a strong attachment there with that person, and that that never fully fades away. (Or something along those lines, I’m paraphrasing!)

So, I couldn’t help but wonder…can you really honestly just be friends with an ex?

Out of my relationship past, I’m only in semi-contact with one of my exes, a guy I dated freshman year in college. He lives in the US, so we actually haven’t seen each other in a really long time, and I have no idea if we could really just be friends. We may both end up in NYC this year though, so we’ll see, I guess!

Out of my other exes, one refuses to get in touch with me (being really mature and deleting me off his myspace friends and such, even though HE HAS A GF who he started dating not too long after me and they’re still together like 3 years later, and I’m the one who’s still single!), another one from England (guitar guy) and I were friends still – not close friends, but when we hung out it wasn’t awkward or anything. It possibly helped that he got into a relationship with his current GF not long after me and now they’ve been together for like 4 years (what is with that??), one kind of dropped off the face of the earth, (well not really, he sends me invites to random photo sharing sites). And then there’s Colin (he’s the only one who’s been an ex twice, I guess, currently having the honour of having been both my first and my most recent boyfriend, bookending my entire dating history!). Other guys weren’t boyfriends, just guys I happened to date, so they don’t count.

I guess the ex-totals are:

• Total no. of exes: 5, unless you count Colin twice
• Exes where there’s no animosity: 3 (NYC guy, Freddie Ljungberg lookalike, guitar guy);
• Potentially awkward situations: 2 (Colin & other NYC guy);
• Exes who actively won’t talk to me/I won’t talk to: 2 (Colin & Lame Ass MySpace guy).

Are any of you friends with your exes? How has that worked out?

I don’t know if I can be friends with Colin. I mean…I think Princess Pointful is right, maybe I should just wait and see when I move to NYC. I can deal with that later. Anyway it’s not like he’s writing me, so maybe I’ll wait until he contacts me next, and then decide what to do, although if it’s anywhere between now and the fall, I most likely won’t write him. Unless he comes back this summer…arrghh. That’s another potentially awkward situation.

Either way, I’ve realized this weekend that I’m really not completely over him. I don’t hate him, I know I don’t want to be his GF again, but I do miss his friendship and having fun with him, and I kind of miss what we had (even if I know he’s not the one I want to have ‘it’ with, if that makes any sense).

I’m kind of dreading dating again, but that’s another topic for another post.

Speaking of dating again though, I thought Mitch was pretty smart and could take a hint when he called me twice a couple weeks ago and I didn’t pick up (one time picking up by accident, seeing his name on my screen, then snapping my cell shut!! Can’t believe I did that. LoL), and texting me that day, but I ignored him. I hadn’t heard from him since so assumed he’d gotten the hint, until Friday night when he texted me saying something along the lines of “So I take it my karaoke skills didn’t impress you much…;) Would you like to grab a drink sometime?” Um, hello, not replying to your text and not picking up your calls means I’m not interested! He even texted my friend and said I was really good at ‘playing it cool’. LoL Mate – I’m not playing anything – I’m just not into you!

So over it.

Ok, so Mitch came along last night to karaoke, a little late (even though I told him 9.30) and it was slightly awkward at first as we were sitting along a couch bench thing, and he was at one end and I was 2nd to the last at the other (there were 6 of us, 5 girls + him!). So later when he got up to go to the loo I went and sat next to my friend Monica (the same friend that I met Mitch with last week), and when he came back he plopped down next to me.

It was slightly awkward and I didn’t really want to turn and chat to him, so I’d just say random things here and there in between singing my little heart out (lol). Later, I felt like maybe I felt a finger on my lower back (his, obviously), so I kinda moved away by sitting up and pouring more rum for people, and then his finger returned and it was on like the side of my ass which was defo NOT cool, so I inched away again, and then it kept happening! Towards the end I was practically sitting on top of Monica (lol – poor girl), and really annoyed.

So, yeah. If I don’t even want a fingertip or back of a finger touching me, I think that’s a really bad sign. I’ve pretty much decided I’m totally not into him at ALL, even though he’s cute, easy to get along with, and just a nice guy overall. The chemistry just isn’t right at ALL (for me at least) and I’m just far more turned off than turned on by him.

Of course, after I’ve decided all this and gone home, I get a text saying

You’re looking beautiful btw, I’m glad I came.

UGH. Why does he have to be NICE? Now I have to just…I dunno, cut him out and I feel rude doing that but it beats having an awkward conversation about how the chemistry just isn’t right – how lame would that sound in an actual conversation with him? I dunno, how do you think I should approach this? I don’t want be rude or bitchy, but I feel like I might just have to stop talking to him altogether…

Poor guy…

So. Mitch texted me last night to see if I was out, and last night was when my family got back so I wasn’t going out. Today he texted me and then called me, and we chatted for about 10 minutes during lunch time, during which I was kind of a bitch (the cycle went like this a few times: [bitchy comment] “omg I’m such a bitch, I’m sorry” to which Mitch would laugh and then say “it’s ok, it’s all right…”). I think I was just being honest, but it came off as bitchy and I didn’t mean it like that.

He called mostly to complain about how hard it was to make a date with me since I’m so busy (hey – can I help that I’m so popular? haha) and then we also went and talked about Monday and why I didn’t go out with him (I explained that it was lame to not even bring it up until the DAY OF, and not to even have a plan! So that I’d already made other plans, and it wasn’t like I’d forgotten). He then asked if I was disappointed that we didn’t meet up on Monday (weird question, don’t you think?? You don’t ask someone you barely know and are interested in if they were disappointed! Is it just me, or is that weird?) and I just responded with “No, I’d already made other plans anyway.” oops. His response? “And another hit to the ego…” haha.

The conversation was ok. He said he was really nervous last time (my friend who I was with when I met him also saw him last night, and she said he mentioned that he just gets REALLY nervous around me and doesn’t know why cause it doesn’t happen with other people, lol) and made a fool of himself (not really, I mean I didn’t think he made a fool of himself or anything), and we chatted and I was a bit of a bitch and he was fine with it. haha At one point he was like “you’re really good at playing the game” and I was like “what game? I’m not playing any games…I’m just being honest.” which is true, because I honestly don’t really care that much. LoL

I kind of feel sorry for this guy. He has no idea what he’s getting himself into. If my bitchiness was any indication, he should back away NOW!

Anyway in the end we didn’t make any set plans, cause I’m really busy this weekend and didn’t want to commit to anything next week yet, so I didn’t make a date, and neither did he. That’s just fine with me!

PS. Did I mention that I actually asked him, “Do you ask girls out very much?” “No…no, not really.” “Yeah…I can tell!” LOL I’M SUCH A BITCH. But he still seems to like me, so whatever. Ask me if I care…! lol

Nevermind…

So. Mitch never called/texted me on the weekend, and we’re meant to have a date tonight! I’ve decided that even if he DOES call/text today and still wants to do something, I’m gonna turn him down. A man canNOT make last minute plans with me! I want someone to take charge; he already KNOWS that I’d go out with him, and still he didn’t come up with anything definite – no time, no place.

Not impressed. Maybe it’s cause he’s so young? This is why I should stick to my new ‘rule’ of only dating men at least 4 years older than me…or is that ageist? LoL!

If, however, he contacts me today, I’ll still give him one more chance for a future date – if he wants it. If not, I don’t think I really care that much anyway.

It’s weird, I’ve been trying to decide whether I care enough about this date anyway the whole weekend, and then just decided that if I have to decide whether I care or not, then I obviously don’t care enough. LoL Which is why I also am not gonna text him first – not cause I’m playing games, but because I honestly don’t care enough to bother chasing him down, ya know?

Anyway. A man’s gotta treat me right from the get go, even if I’m not looking for a relationship right now. If I’m not gonna be treated right, even if it’s for fun, what’s the point? Otherwise it’s just gonna be angst-y the entire time, and that definitely isn’t fun!

His loss.

UPDATE:

He called me towards the end of lunch, and it was slightly awkward conversation (on his end, I was just waiting to hear what he had to say!). The first thing he asked me was if I was still going to go along to the wine tasting tomorrow night – originally we were all (meaning him + his friends and me + my friend) planning on going, but his friends were emailing back and forth while CC’ing me and my friend, and it ended up being postponed to June. Mitch didn’t about that so I had to fill him in.

His second question was something like “So, are you free tonight or do you have plans?” Um, hello? He already asked me out last week (like 3 times) and I said yes three times, but through a series of morning emails between Betty & I, we decided that it was lame that he hadn’t come up with a plan (and evidently still didn’t have a plan) so that even if he did call/contact me I was gonna say no. So I very politely said, “I’m afraid I have plans tonight, sorry.” And he was like “Oh, that’s a shame, maybe next time then!“

1. If he really wanted to go out with me, he would MAKE A FRICKIN PLAN. All he has to do is pick a time and a restaurant (and possibly make reservations, if necessary), it really isn’t that hard.

2. If he really wanted to go out with me but I was busy, he would offer up an alternate date! But “maybe next time” tells me that he isn’t as genuine as he seems,

OR

3. He texted me after, saying “Apologies, I got silly nervous talking to you, but you were right, wine tasting is later on lol, have a lovely evening and hopefully see you soon” – he’s just really nervous and not as confident as I would want a man to be, and it’s kind of a major turn off!

Afterwards I’m just sitting here kinda annoyed, like do you or do you not wanna go out with me? Is it weird that I’m just irritated? I mean, at this point I barely remember what he looks like (although I know I’d recognize him if I were to meet up with him later anyway), and I feel like it’d be more trouble than it’s worth – and we haven’t even been on a date yet. LoL Not a good sign!!

Dating can be so confusing. (Thank you Captain Obvious, I know, but I just had to say it.)

I have a date! Part 2

Ugh, at work right now and SO tired…I can feel it in my eyes! I knew staying up till 2am on a weeknight (when I have 2 more full days of work to go, plus dinners both nights and possibly going out the 2nd night) was a bad idea!

So last night after a really good Thai meal (pad thai, mixed veg, and green curry w/prawns and rice), my friends and I decided to go to this bar right near where we ate. Once there this guy comes over to one of my friends and it turns out he met her last weekend, although she didn’t remember him cause she was so drunk at the time, lol.

Anyway, he asked us to join him at his table since there were like 10 guys and no girls (“a meatmarket…no, that’s not what I meant…” is how he put it, lol) and he made like 4 guys get up so I could slide into the bench thingie along the wall. I started chatting to this guy who was originally from Florida (accounting), then another guy originally from London (pretty cute, and he was a lawyer) and then another guy, Mitch, who I noticed kept looking at me from across the table, and who I thought was pretty cute too.

So we all chatted for a bit and then the boys convinced us to go to another bar for a drink, and they actually ordered a bottle of Belevedere (great choice!) and we finished it among the 5 of us – don’t ask me how. haha Mitch slide into the banquette right after me and we started chatting, and I found out that he was also originally from England, and is mixed – half English, half Filipino – and is doing something finance-related but not a banker – advising banks on whether to go through with deals or not, or something? Eventually he asked me when I was free next (I’m actually really busy the next few days…) and after determining that lunch was out of the question since I work in the middle of NOWHERE, asked me for “a drink and a bite” on Monday night. I gave him my card and he asked if he could call me (duh, why else would I give him my card??) and then we moved on to the next bar.

The next bar was PACKED, there were SO many people there and we all got drinks and then headed to the dance floor, where it got really hot really quickly. I noticed these 2 girls who were like, in LOVE with Mitch (but way less attractive than me, so I really didn’t care and actually thought it was pretty funny), and they kept trying to pull him over to dance with them and stuff. haha Later at the bar I also noticed these other 2 girls checking him out, and I told him. haha

He was just one of those genuinely nice guys – there was no bullshit, he was upfront about asking me out and very polite and gentlemanly, and although he is slightly too eager (which is a bit of a turn off), he was funny and fun to chat to, self-assured and also self-deprecating, and just very sweet. He’s 5 months older than me (I thought he was younger than me – he has a little bit of a baby face but in a cute way), although I wish he were older! Still, I AM leaving in September so I’m not planning on falling in love; dating is perfect just about now.

I called Betty when I was in a cab on the way home and all she said was, “Can you fall in love and stay here and not move to New York? I don’t want to make new friends!” LoL, bless her!

He texted me already when I got home, but I haven’t texted back yet. He also really wants to see me again like, ASAP. It’s simultaneously refreshing and slightly annoying that he is so eager, and not afraid to show it. haha

Oh well, guess we’ll see what happens…!!

My google reader is up in the crazy numbers so gonna go catch up with y’alls now!