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I can’t help thinking about Jim. Even if it’s not me lusting after him kind of thoughts. Luckily I haven’t acted on anything, but when I get home at night all I can think about is texting him! Argh, this is ridiculous.
Today at the office he was saying how I’m not funny, just mean. And I just looked at him and said, “Only to you” and then he started going on about me being hostile and ‘cold-hearted’ (all jokingly, at least I think he meant it jokingly). But the truth is when he’s in the room, I’m totally aware of where he is in relation to me. Too aware! And I feel like I don’t even want to make eye contact with him because I feel like it’s totally obvious that I like him. Or it would be, if I looked him in the eyes. Which is also why I try not to talk to him, although at the same time I mentally try to will him to come over and talk to me. ARGH!
It’s so much easier said than done to just move on. I feel like I need a new crush. Actually, speaking of crushes…Clark (the Texan I met a few months ago, who’s business partners with my uncle) is back in town! haha My uncle gave me his number and told me to call him, so I just texted him instead. It’s unlikely we’ll meet up, but oh well.
Also, I gave my phone number to this guy on a dating site (internet dating? me? yeah.) and he says he’ll call me after the wknd, but then I’m going away next week for business so we’ll see!
Ok, guess that’s it for now. I need to get over Jim. Plus, today I found out he won’t be around for my birthday, and I was instantly disappointed. Ridiculous, I am.
I got an email from my uncle today, the one that is business partners with Clark. It was some random stuff, and then he says that Clark was telling him how mature I am and how well I carry myself for my young age. LOL! When I read that I started thinking about what must have been running through his head when he said that to my uncle, whether he was thinking about the things he wanted to do me (if I weren’t my uncle’s neice), or whether he was stifling a laugh, and whether he was just making it up or whether he really did think that. The last part I’m not totally sure about because – well, I was drunk as a skunk that night. Seriously. I mean, the next time Frank talked to me, the first thing he said was “You are a drunk”!
I don’t necessarily doubt his words, because lots of people have actually said those things about me before (surprise surprise), but then again I must question it just because I really was quite drunk. Unless he happens to remember more about our conversations than I do.
Ah! I can’t stop smiling about the whole thing anyway, and giggling inwardly because it’s just so damn amusing.
That’s all.
So for the last 2 months or so I’ve been contemplating a seahorse and a mermaid tattooed on me somewhere (details pertaining to where they’ll go and what exactly they’ll look like, plus my financial situation have so far only allowed these to be contemplations as opposed to just getting them done), and that night with Clark, somehow we were talking about tattoos and he revealed that he has a seahorse tattoo! Meg and I were like “Do you have a MERMAID, too???” LOL (No, but he does have a ship as well.)
Granted, his seahorse isn’t that nice (it’s green, from what I remember…yeah, what?), but the ship is, and it’s like he’s just looking for his mermaid…(me). LOL God I’m lame. Just had to put this out there.
And no, still haven’t heard from him, but also don’t really expect to. Still, for some reason I can’t let that stubborn hope die. Sickening, and annoying, I know.
So I haven’t heard from Clark, and I have a feeling that I won’t, at least not until he comes back to NYC. Frank, his friend, msged me online last night and I hadn’t heard from him since that night. His first message? “You are a drunk.” haha Nothing was said about what (nearly didn’t) happen between Clark and I, aside from one time when Frank just wrote “Clark” and then I said “Clark what?” “Clark.” Obviously, that was frustrating, so I was just like “What about Clark???” and he wrote, “Oh nothing. I haven’t seen him since that night” (I thought he was staying with him? Guess not…) Ugh.
But, Frank did say that “next time” we should all start out together sober and then get progressively drunker so that at least we’re all on the same level of drunk! haha (I’m just gonna keep my hopes up that “next time” includes with Clark…)
Sigh. So frustrating! And it’s not just because I want to sleep with him so badly, but because I actually want to date him. And if I want to date him, I have to follow my dating rules. Which include not contacting him if he doesn’t contact me. 
Must let the guy chase! If it was just Robby, I wouldn’t care as much since I’m not interested in dating him.
Speaking of Robby, I feel like I was kind of a bitch on the phone with him on Sunday night (not intentionally, but we honestly have nothing really to say to each other, and he was just saying things where I didn’t know how to react to, and I couldn’t eat my burger! haha), and he’d told me he was getting sick so I felt bad come Monday morning and just texted him to say that I hoped he was feeling better. …And he still hasn’t replied. To be honest, I kind of miss him, but I’m not gonna stress about it.
Great. So now I ended up totally single, and pining away for a guy in Texas who won’t even email me. Ah!
Last night I went out to meet one of my uncle’s business partners, who had called his friend in publishing to help me get a job. He doesn’t live in NYC so I wanted to meet him and thank him in person for trying to help me, and WOW. He. Is. SO. Cute! Tall, blonde, blue-eyed, gorgeous. When my friend Meg and I showed up at the bar and were getting our IDs checked, he came over to ask if I was Cat. After I said yes, he introduced himself and then I turned to my friend, mouthing, “He is SO cute!” and she widened her eyes and nodded in agreement.
(I’m going to call him Clark here.) So we went downstairs and Meg and I were both still sober (we’d only had one beer at this point) and after meeting a whole bunch of other people, Clark’s friend Frank (the guy who helped forward my resume on etc) went over to the bar and told the bartender to put our drinks on his tab (score!), so I turned to Meg and said, “Well, this is kind of awkward. Let’s get drunk!” And I ordered our drinks and shots of whisky, and soon Clark came back over and we all started chatting and then it was much less awkward from there.
Things get a little blurry after that, but I do remember having at least 1 more drink and 2 more shots, and then somehow Clark and I got a little…friendlier. We never kissed, but only because he refused to kiss me. We ALMOST kissed about 20 times, but he always pulled away last minute. Obviously, it was very frustrating! I do, however, remember him looking at me like he just wanted to devour me, and saying things like “oh my god…if you weren’t your uncle’s neice, the things I would do to you…” which of course turned me on and piqued my interest at the same time. I asked him “Like what?” but he’d just close his eyes and shake his head, and not say anything. It seriously drove me insane!
I also remember sniffing his neck, because I love that damn boy smell so much! At one point he asked what I was doing and I was like, “Smelling you…you smell so good!” LOL He also randomly massaged my right foot under the table we were sitting at, and I vaguely remember him saying that he’ll give me a massage “next time” – meaning when he comes back in like a few months’ time, who knows!
Anyway. He is so cute, and funny, and the sexual tension was insane. I bet he’s amazing in bed. LoL! But then there are the two obstacles of him living in Texas and also how he won’t touch me because of my uncle. I’m sure I could handle the 2nd one if he lived here…sigh. Argh! So frustrating. I want him!!!
As for Robby, I hadn’t heard from him since Friday until this evening, and I’m also thinking about just ending it because I was starting to get attached, and you’re really not supposed to get attached to a fling. This is also why I’ve been so confused about him and have been unable to write about it, I’ve realized. Because he’s a sweet guy, and a good guy, but I really just don’t see a future with him at all. And he’s fun for now, but you know how it is…after a while you get attached to someone, perhaps because of the habit of seeing him all the time or whatever, but it happens, regardless of where your head is. Well, we’ll see what happens.
I want Clark to get my info from Frank and email/call/text me! But I also feel like the chances of that actually happening is pretty slim, since he lives ages away and also there’s my uncle. Sigh. What’s a girl to do??
