God, it’s been 3 months already.
I’ll bet you’re all tired of reading about my confusion or whatever-the-hell I’m feeling about Colin post-breakup. Hell, I’m tired of it.
I read an article in UK Glamour about getting over the knockdowns that life throws at you, whether it be relationship troubles, career troubles, or whatever. The first step was to identify and acknowledge your feelings, and recognize them and know that you’re not ok. The second is to Express, which means to actually consciously go and feel bad about whatever it is you’re trying not to feel bad about. Example: after a breakup, listen to the music that reminds you of him, look at old photos, and let your physical self feel the pain. The idea there is to prevent your feelings from being repressed and causing future physical problems seemingly out of nowhere.
The problem with that is…how do you know when to stop feeling bad? And does that go against the Law of Attraction?
I tend to feel numb for the most part, whenever I come across a picture of him, or whatever. Most of the time it’s probably just a slight sadness though. I still think of him pretty frequently, probably every day, and each time I push the thought back out of my head. Maybe I should delve in it and allow it to come and go naturally. But if the law of attraction is true, wouldn’t that just bring me more sadness/confusion? Then again, it’s been 3 months of me trying to control my thoughts and feelings about him, and look where I am!
Admittedly, I do miss him sometimes. When I remember the good parts. But then I remember how quickly it all went downhill and how he suddenly just fell out of love with me, and I remember how he pushed me away from him when I was giving him a hug once, and I remember how he didn’t really try to comfort me when he admitted he didn’t love me anymore, and then it hurts. A lot. I can feel it in my heart and behind my eyes, and a prickling in my nose like I’m about to cry. I rarely do, though. Cry, that is.
Yes, I’m totally turned off by men at the moment. But that doesn’t mean I don’t miss being in a relationship, because I do. I want that one person to understand me and care for me and love me the way I know I deserve to be loved, even if right now I really can’t face dating.
So, back to the point. Should I let myself wallow when it comes? Or should I continue pushing thoughts and feelings aside? What’s healthier? I’m not depressed enough to really be able to wallow for, like, a week or anything, it just comes and goes, but I still get sad.
Sigh. 3 months. That’s how long the relationship lasted. How much longer until I’m over it?
9 comments
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June 23, 2008 at 10:21 pm
boldly benny
Hi
From my own experience I can say there is no right or wrong way to deal with a break-up. It’s sore, difficult and a process where you have to determine what is right for you.
My last break-up tore me apart and after several months of no clarity I went to therapy because I wanted him to stop taking mindshare. He had moved into my brain and was claiming space rent-free.
My therapist told me I had to allow myself time to think about him but I needed to try and allocate that time. So when it was time to think about him, I sat and I wrote. I thought about what I missed about him and what was causing me pain. If he came into my mind outside of the allocated time, I learnt to push him out – it wasn’t his time. It was very tricky to do but it really helped.
Writing helped me alot, I slowly made peace and actually realised why was hurting and what I wanted. When I was ready to make peace with my pain, I burnt my pages of writing. It was very cleansing. I even wrote letters to him that I had no intention of sending to him in an attempt to say what I had to say to him, without actually talking to him.
Here’s an example that I posted: http://boldlybenny.blogspot.com/2007/08/i-have-alarming-amount-of-work-pressing.html#comments
Good luck, healing is a difficult process and it is true that by facing what you are feeling you’ll find the strength to move on and you’ll find what you need to do to help mend the pain.
June 24, 2008 at 12:19 am
Stephanie
I was with my ex for almost a year. I’ve been with a new guy for a bit over 3 months now and he’s amazing, but i still miss the ex every once in a while. It doesn’t go away completely, it just gets easier over time.
June 24, 2008 at 3:44 am
toshspice
The breakup is letting the man of your dreams come!!! Then it will be like you were never without him (the man of your dreams).
June 24, 2008 at 5:53 am
La Petite Belle
they say it takes twice as long to forget a love than the amount of time you were together.. but you will be fine. It’s hard though, and it’s ok to grieve. Don’t pressure yourself!
June 24, 2008 at 11:27 am
Maxie
In some way I feel like that article is correct, but there has to be a point where you have to move on. I tried the whole “letting myself be sad” thing and I found it really hard to STOP. Eventually I just had to push the whole thing out of my mind.
June 24, 2008 at 4:01 pm
LizSara
Wallow as much as you like when the situation dictates it, but never let your wallowing take over your everyday life.
June 25, 2008 at 2:10 am
JenBun
I saw wallow, when it strikes you, but only for a set amount of time. Like, okay, I’m going to cry and be pissy and moan “What if…” for these 15 minutes, but then I am going to go out and do something good for myself.
And there is NOTHING that dictates how long it will take to get over someone. It’ll happen. Or it won’t. Either way, you will move on and you will be happy!
June 25, 2008 at 10:56 am
Jessica
From my own experience, you can bask in the memories of him and what you shared together because at one point you will turn things around and you’ll be less sad each day. It just takes time, you can’t help how you feel.
June 26, 2008 at 9:24 am
hellooooo-gorgeous
there is no timeline… your over it when your over it…. however long it takes that is okay. so hang in there and dont feel bad about your feelings. own them. it is all okay and you are so not alone in how you feel. chin up girl