They say breaking up is hard to do, but I beg to differ. Breaking up is the easy part; learning and training yourself to let go, however, is a totally different story. All the memories, the high times and the low times, the intensity of my, our feelings at certain points during our relationship – these are all the things left over from a/my/our relationship, the remnants that I try and store away in the far corner of my mind, boxed and sealed up.
Colin emailed me today, first I’ve heard from him in about 3 1/2 weeks. And I’ve really been doing fine, and this email, unlike the last one, didn’t make me tear up suddenly and catching me off guard. I mean, it did catch me off guard, simply because I wasn’t expecting to hear from him any time soon, but the emotion wasn’t quite…there.
I’m at that weird in-between stage where I’m not in love with him anymore, but I still tend to think about him at least once a day. I don’t want to still be sharing my life with him directly (ie by emailing/calling him), but I’m ok with him reading my other blog. I don’t mind hearing from him, but that doesn’t mean I want to reply or contact him back, even though I’ll probably be thinking about it every day until I actually reply (it’s in my nature, I think).
His email didn’t say a whole lot, he just sent me a link to a restaurant in NYC (The Mermaid, on the UWS, if anyone is interested), saying that he saw it ‘the other day’ and thought of me, and that he found an apt in Brooklyn, and after 3 weeks of apt hunting he feels he knows what’s going on pretty well and offered to help me find a place when I move (if I want), things like that. Nothing super exciting, yet it’s still at the point where I’m compelled to blog about it. I don’t blog about emails from my friends, so it’s a sign, I guess, that even though I’m coming along very well, I’m still not completely over him. And I’m actually ok with that. I think I’ve made awesome progress so far, and am happy to be where I am.
Still, come September, I’m pretty sure we’ll be friends again, and I’m definitely gonna take him up on the help he offered as I’m pretty sure that I’ll need as much help as I can get. I do miss being friends with him, but at the same time I know I’m definitely not ready right now. So, that’s something to look forward to, too.
I had my heart broken exactly one month ago, and I’m still alive, still happy, and emotionally pretty healthy. 
I’ve come a long way, baby, and I’m gonna continue moving on (up!) 
8 comments
Comments feed for this article
April 28, 2008 at 11:20 pm
Andrea
*HUGS* I am SO proud of your progress. You are like a new woman!!!
April 29, 2008 at 12:20 am
tia
you’re doing great!!
April 29, 2008 at 2:09 am
freeandflawed
You’re handling this very well. I agree that letting go is the most difficult part of a break up. I’m no where near that stage and I’m most certainly not at peace with any of it. But I’m proud of you! For only happening a month ago you are really kicking ass and not letting this bring you down.
<3<3<3
April 29, 2008 at 2:36 am
Larissa
Yes, you’ve come a long way, and WILL keep going. 6 months from now, you won’t even recognize your old self!
April 29, 2008 at 3:24 am
Little Miss Matchmaker
You are doing great. Just remember break ups break up because they’re broken and you’re a catch so don’t let him fool you…
April 29, 2008 at 8:31 pm
Emotionally Slutty « You are flawed if you are not free
[...] going to agree with Clueless Cat and say that breaking up is NOT so hard to do. It’s the letting go process that really [...]
April 29, 2008 at 10:00 pm
LizSara
I understand the siginficance of the first not teary email. I got one last week and felt vindicated that he was missing me more than i was missing him.
L x
April 30, 2008 at 5:58 am
JenBun
Oh come on… you blog about it when *I* email you… right?
You described this stage SO perfectly… I was there, many moons and months ago and, looking back, it WAS the hardest part. Now, we are friends and things are good. You’ll get there!
♥