LoL

I got an email from my uncle today, the one that is business partners with Clark. It was some random stuff, and then he says that Clark was telling him how mature I am and how well I carry myself for my young age. LOL! When I read that I started thinking about what must have been running through his head when he said that to my uncle, whether he was thinking about the things he wanted to do me (if I weren’t my uncle’s neice), or whether he was stifling a laugh, and whether he was just making it up or whether he really did think that. The last part I’m not totally sure about because – well, I was drunk as a skunk that night. Seriously. I mean, the next time Frank talked to me, the first thing he said was “You are a drunk”!

I don’t necessarily doubt his words, because lots of people have actually said those things about me before (surprise surprise), but then again I must question it just because I really was quite drunk. Unless he happens to remember more about our conversations than I do.

Ah! I can’t stop smiling about the whole thing anyway, and giggling inwardly because it’s just so damn amusing.

That’s all.

Just when I think it’s totally over…

Robby calls! He called last night and we just chatted. It’s so weird, it’s like we’re becoming…might I say it?…friends. Apparently he’s been working non-stop, and last night was the first night he’s been home (alarm bells, anyone?) since last week. He lives pretty far from me and he was pretty exhausted, and for the first time ever he remembered that on Wednesdays I have my internship! haha (We’ve joked about it before – he used to always ask what I was up to the next day and I constantly told him I had my internship Wednesdays and Thursdays – the only consistent days of my week – and then after answering him he’d be like “You’ve me that like a hundred times, haven’t you?” haha.) – anyway, so my point is he didn’t suggest coming over, and no way was I gonna head over to his and then have to get up at like 730 just to make it to my internship by 9.

When I think about what I want from him though, I mean, assuming he’s going to stay in my life, I don’t mind this whole phone-buddy business, but if I saw him in person I’d still enjoy his company. And I’d still want him to come back to mine or to go to his, but not even to have sex, but just to…omgI’msuchagirl…cuddle. Aside from the snoring, he’s actually a good cuddler and I love having his body wrapped around mine! I can do without the sex because it actually wasn’t THAT great (better than none, obviously, but nothing to get excited about), but I really liked just having him curled up next to me. I’m pretty sure if he went to bed with me though that there would be sex involved, at least as far as he would want. After all, he’s a guy. And don’t you know that guys are always after one thing?

Anyway. Who knows what’s going to happen? As always, I leave it up to him. (Men must always be the one chasing – dating rule no. 1!)

Random tidbit

So for the last 2 months or so I’ve been contemplating a seahorse and a mermaid tattooed on me somewhere (details pertaining to where they’ll go and what exactly they’ll look like, plus my financial situation have so far only allowed these to be contemplations as opposed to just getting them done), and that night with Clark, somehow we were talking about tattoos and he revealed that he has a seahorse tattoo! Meg and I were like “Do you have a MERMAID, too???” LOL (No, but he does have a ship as well.)

Granted, his seahorse isn’t that nice (it’s green, from what I remember…yeah, what?), but the ship is, and it’s like he’s just looking for his mermaid…(me). LOL God I’m lame. Just had to put this out there.

And no, still haven’t heard from him, but also don’t really expect to. Still, for some reason I can’t let that stubborn hope die. Sickening, and annoying, I know.

Boys boys boys

So I haven’t heard from Clark, and I have a feeling that I won’t, at least not until he comes back to NYC. Frank, his friend, msged me online last night and I hadn’t heard from him since that night. His first message? “You are a drunk.” haha Nothing was said about what (nearly didn’t) happen between Clark and I, aside from one time when Frank just wrote “Clark” and then I said “Clark what?” “Clark.” Obviously, that was frustrating, so I was just like “What about Clark???” and he wrote, “Oh nothing. I haven’t seen him since that night” (I thought he was staying with him? Guess not…) Ugh.

But, Frank did say that “next time” we should all start out together sober and then get progressively drunker so that at least we’re all on the same level of drunk! haha (I’m just gonna keep my hopes up that “next time” includes with Clark…)

Sigh. So frustrating! And it’s not just because I want to sleep with him so badly, but because I actually want to date him. And if I want to date him, I have to follow my dating rules. Which include not contacting him if he doesn’t contact me. Must let the guy chase! If it was just Robby, I wouldn’t care as much since I’m not interested in dating him.

Speaking of Robby, I feel like I was kind of a bitch on the phone with him on Sunday night (not intentionally, but we honestly have nothing really to say to each other, and he was just saying things where I didn’t know how to react to, and I couldn’t eat my burger! haha), and he’d told me he was getting sick so I felt bad come Monday morning and just texted him to say that I hoped he was feeling better. …And he still hasn’t replied. To be honest, I kind of miss him, but I’m not gonna stress about it.

Great. So now I ended up totally single, and pining away for a guy in Texas who won’t even email me. Ah!

And about another boy…

Last night I went out to meet one of my uncle’s business partners, who had called his friend in publishing to help me get a job. He doesn’t live in NYC so I wanted to meet him and thank him in person for trying to help me, and WOW. He. Is. SO. Cute! Tall, blonde, blue-eyed, gorgeous. When my friend Meg and I showed up at the bar and were getting our IDs checked, he came over to ask if I was Cat. After I said yes, he introduced himself and then I turned to my friend, mouthing, “He is SO cute!” and she widened her eyes and nodded in agreement.

(I’m going to call him Clark here.) So we went downstairs and Meg and I were both still sober (we’d only had one beer at this point) and after meeting a whole bunch of other people, Clark’s friend Frank (the guy who helped forward my resume on etc) went over to the bar and told the bartender to put our drinks on his tab (score!), so I turned to Meg and said, “Well, this is kind of awkward. Let’s get drunk!” And I ordered our drinks and shots of whisky, and soon Clark came back over and we all started chatting and then it was much less awkward from there.

Things get a little blurry after that, but I do remember having at least 1 more drink and 2 more shots, and then somehow Clark and I got a little…friendlier. We never kissed, but only because he refused to kiss me. We ALMOST kissed about 20 times, but he always pulled away last minute. Obviously, it was very frustrating! I do, however, remember him looking at me like he just wanted to devour me, and saying things like “oh my god…if you weren’t your uncle’s neice, the things I would do to you…” which of course turned me on and piqued my interest at the same time. I asked him “Like what?” but he’d just close his eyes and shake his head, and not say anything. It seriously drove me insane!

I also remember sniffing his neck, because I love that damn boy smell so much! At one point he asked what I was doing and I was like, “Smelling you…you smell so good!” LOL He also randomly massaged my right foot under the table we were sitting at, and I vaguely remember him saying that he’ll give me a massage “next time” – meaning when he comes back in like a few months’ time, who knows!

Anyway. He is so cute, and funny, and the sexual tension was insane. I bet he’s amazing in bed. LoL! But then there are the two obstacles of him living in Texas and also how he won’t touch me because of my uncle. I’m sure I could handle the 2nd one if he lived here…sigh. Argh! So frustrating. I want him!!!

As for Robby, I hadn’t heard from him since Friday until this evening, and I’m also thinking about just ending it because I was starting to get attached, and you’re really not supposed to get attached to a fling. This is also why I’ve been so confused about him and have been unable to write about it, I’ve realized. Because he’s a sweet guy, and a good guy, but I really just don’t see a future with him at all. And he’s fun for now, but you know how it is…after a while you get attached to someone, perhaps because of the habit of seeing him all the time or whatever, but it happens, regardless of where your head is. Well, we’ll see what happens.

I want Clark to get my info from Frank and email/call/text me! But I also feel like the chances of that actually happening is pretty slim, since he lives ages away and also there’s my uncle. Sigh. What’s a girl to do??

I Promise I’ll Be Good

I know I’ve been really MIA for the past few months. Part of it is that I simply don’t have the time to sit down and think about what to blog about, part of it is that for a while nothing was really happening in my life that was worth blogging about, and now it’s because there are things I could potentially blog about, but I’m really wary about posting such private thoughts online, especially since a few of you know me in real life! (No offense. I mean, I’d probably tell you anyway, but it’s still…weird.) This is also why the last post sounds kinda weird – I have certain thoughts about RBB, but I’m not quite sure how to articulate them, and some of them I don’t know if I really want to air out, so the overall tone was just strange – at least to me!

Anyway, I’m gonna try to blog more regularly from now on because I have missed it.

I told my sister about RBB (let’s just call him Robby, shall we?) yesterday. She asked for a photo, so I sent her one from my iPhone that I took without his knowing the other morning. Her reply? “He looks scary!” haha. Kinda what I expected, since in the photo he’s shirtless and you can see all his tattoos and piercings – not quite the kind of guy she had ever envisioned for me, I’m sure. (Or that I envisioned for myself!) My parents would freak out if they knew about him, so I made her swear not to say anything. Haha But, I did tell her some funny things like the night we met, and that he’s sweet to me (except when he’s all worn out from work and was all cranky pants on me last night – just moody and quiet! Haha This morning when I left for work he was back to his usual self – he reached up to pull me down to him and give me a couple kisses, and then later when he left my apartment he texted “morning sunshine J” to me J – but I digress). 

We have a running joke now at work that he’s a killer, because on the weekend he met me when I had my break and then came back to the store with me. After he left, one of my coworkers, who’s about 5’5 and just one of those kids you KNOW was picked on in school (I call him the little brother I love to annoy – but out of love!) asked, “CC, who was that guy you were with? Does he kill people in his spare time?” and he had this smile on his face and it was so hilarious I just doubled over laughing, and he went on about how RBB must go around killing people or giving kids wedgies. When he was finally done, he looked at me and said, “Well, he’s got a lot of tattoos, anyway.” Which, of course, only made me laugh some more. So now at work we joke that whenever someone is annoying us, we’ll add him/her to the hit list for Robby. (Who, by the way, was just like “Do I really look that scary?” when I told him. Haha)

All of this just adds to my daily amusements, and although I know that there is nothing long term here, I enjoy it (the banter, his company, the jokes) immensely. (Or maybe because I know there’s no long term? Hmm…)

 

More stories later, I’m sure!

Oops

It’s been forever since I posted, sorry!

I’m still seeing Rocker Boy Bartender, although there was a two week gap until he texted me again and was like “Uh, hello?” lol I just acted like nothing happened and replied “Hey! What’s up?” and later when we met up again he was kinda drunk and was like “I just don’t get you…you go to Boston for a weekend disappear off the face of the earth! You’re just not like any other girl that I’ve met…” haha He actually is very sweet, and every time he’s good to me I’m surprised. I don’t know whether that’s a good or bad thing…haha

But, we’re not boyfriend/girlfriend, even though since Friday night we’ve seen each other every day (well, if you count Monday morning before I left him in my bed and went to work!). Pretty much all my friends have met him now, and they all agree he’s hot, and sweet! haha He looks like a badass (and in some ways he can be), but aside from some sarcasm he’s good to me.

Anyway. It gets a little complicated though (bet you didn’t see that coming!), because I’m actually kinda starting to like him. Even though in my head I still know he’s not anything long term, and it kinda feels like why am I spending so much time with someone if I don’t see a future? But then again on the flipside, I genuinely enjoy his company, so what’s wrong with that? Argh. haha

Anyway! Aside from that, I am still loving NYC, still job hunting, and looking forward to a fabulous summer!!

PS. RBB is the 3rd guy I’ve dated or been in some sort of relationship with that plays the guitar. So hot. haha

Me Time

This morning in the shower I was thinking about my life and relationships, and for the first time, or finally, I realized that I’m nowhere near where I want to be when I settle down into a long term relationship. I need to sort out my job, my life, and be happy with where I am before I can even commit to anyone else. This right now is my me time, partly because I simply don’t have the time to invest in a relationship the way I’d want to, and the way a relationship deserves my time and committment.

I need to establish myself and focus on trying to get where I want to go career wise, and then when I have that, I then need to enrich my life in other ways, and only then am I ready for someone to come into my life and I’ll be ready and waiting. Ya know?

It’s actually really relieving to have figured all this out. I know it sounds super obvious, but finally realizing all this makes it easier to focus on doing what I need to do with my life, and lets me have fun at the same time (eg. my rocker bad boy) without worrying about anything.

I’ll still date, or whatever, if the situation arises, but my real focus is going to be on me. Yay! haha

Rocker Boy Bartender

So, I met a boy. And he so isn’t the type of guy I normally meet/kiss. At all. He has 13 tattoos, multiple piercings, and is a rocker boy-bartender. SO not the type to bring home to mom and dad, but he’s cute! It helped that he poured me extra vodka in my vodka martini, but still.

It turns out that he is actually quite a sweet guy, buying me breakfast and coffee and all before I went to work yesterday, and then last night he texted me to come out again! (No way- I’d been hungover all day, and then had to go to work and stand around for 8 hours- I was exhausted!) But it was kinda cute that even though we’d only said bye like 8 hours before he already wanted to see me again. And although it’s flattering, I know this is never going to go anywhere. It’s fun for now and he’s sweet and pretty hot, but I’m looking for something long term and he is definitely not it. (Not just b/c he has tattoos and piercings- I’m not THAT superficial, but other things too, just FYI.)

Oh well. This is only noteworthy b/c it’s been so long since I’ve met ANY boy, let alone kissed one! If he never calls me again, I honestly wouldn’t mind. haha

Can this convo just END?

So my dad emailed me a list of jobs that some fortune 500 company is hiring for in Asia, saying I should apply and see what happens. First of all, NONE of the positions are related to anything I have any experience whatsoever in doing, nor any interest. Second, they’re all in ASIA. I’m NOT. He keeps sending me jobs saying I should apply to them, and they’re all in Asia. Over Christmas he made my mo print out a job post looking for a Sales Manager at Newsweek in HK (I’ve seen how the sales people in HK work for magazines – it ain’t easy. Or fun.), and I already said I don’t want to return to the magazine industry, especially not in Hong Kong.

So then he catches me online and goes on and on and I end up crying and I just want to END THE EFFING CONVERSATION b/c it went from talking about that to critisizing me on how I get too defensive when my mom talks to me and that’s why “everytime” she speaks to me she gets mad (SO NOT TRUE – last week we had a perfectly nice conversation, aside from the part where I was depressed about my job situation).

I love my parents and I love that they are supporting me and giving me a year to find a job here in NYC that I love (am working on it, I swear), but I can’t focus on job hunting here and working 6 days a week if I also have to apply for jobs in Hong Kong and think about that at the same time? I barely have time to work on applications for jobs HERE!

Anyway it got to a point where I was trying to update my resume and argue with my dad (which I HAD been doing very calmly until he got all up on me about my ‘tone’ – hello, this is IM, there isn’t REALLY a tone) and just signed off b/c I wanted the conversation to end SO BADLY. I just signed back on though after a few minutes b/c I just needed a break from him. It’s too much to handle early on a Saturday morning.

UGH. As if I’m not depressed about my job situation enough already!!